guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
