My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
