the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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