Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
