ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
