she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
