To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
How external is "for external use only"?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
