first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
