I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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