I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
