I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
