Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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