So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
