I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
