I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
