We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
