She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
