who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
