She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
