Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
