THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
