hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
