Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
