Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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