I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
