I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My feet surprised me
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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