There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
