Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
