ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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