ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
