She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
