I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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