the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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