I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
