If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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