so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
