dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
