Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
