So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
