She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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