Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
the raccoons are back...
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