is wine microwaveable?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
