I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
