Your dad touched me again.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
