last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
