I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
