How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
