Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
