I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
