I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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