You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
