Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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