the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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