"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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