you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
