I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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